Sometimes people are afraid to love because relationships fail. This is always a thought in the back of your mind that we may or may not be able to find true love. IF we know or don’t know it, most people are afraid of falling in love. Our fears can take over our thoughts and when the relationship begins to change stages, we sometimes will put on a protective front to make sure that we will not get hurt.
The defenses that we use will make us feel happy and secure but if we are desiring closeness, we are leaving these things behind because of our fear of intimacy.
Vulnerability
When you are in a new relationship, you will be afraid because you don’t know what to expect. You will let yourself fall in love as long as you are willing to take a risk, but most of the time you will have a hard time trusting the other persons. You will be afraid to feel vulnerable and you will want to be self-focused and keep yourself in a box, so you don’t get hurt.
Past Pain
When you are in a relationship, you know that you have been hurt in the past. The way that you were hurt in a past relationship can affect who you are today and how you decide who you get close to. If you want to be in a romantic relationship, negative past ideas can make you afraid of opening up to someone. You might not want to be intimate because you are afraid of being rejected and this can bring up past emotions.
Challenging
Some people struggle with the feelings of being unlovable. We have a hard time feeling that we have value and we have an inner voice that tells us that we are worthless. This can go to our mind and take away the future and hope that we have for a happy relationship.
These attitudes can be hurtful and can hurt others. We have these thoughts in our minds and we sometimes have a hard time getting past the critical voices that bring us back memories of our failed past. We see other people differently than the voices tell us and this makes us uncomfortable.
Joy and Pain
When you experience real joy and feel happy, it can also make you feel sad. It can be things that make us the happies that also make us to feel the most pain. When we learn to numb ourselves to sadness, we are numbing the joy we can have also. When we fall in love, we might be afraid to go all in because it will cause us pain later.
Love is Never Equal
Most people know that getting involved with someone means that you really like them. We worry that if we get too close to them that they will end up rejecting us or hurting us. We know that love can be unbalanced and can cause one person to have stronger feelings than the other person does.
This can cause us to be angry and sad. It can cause us to worry about our feelings and not feeling natural or happy. Sometimes, we feel guilty for expressing what we are feeling and what makes us happy.
Connections
Relationship show that you are growing, and they can represent your becoming independent in your life. This can cause you to miss out on time with your family or old friends. It doesn’t mean you are giving up on your family, it just means that things will be different, and you will be spending time with other relationships.
Love and Fear
When you have more things, you have more to lose. Love is the same way. When you fall in love and you fall hard, you have a chance of losing your partner. You have a chance of breaking up and this can be scary, especially if you have gone through it before. Sometimes, you will pick fights and give up on the relationship because you are too afraid to figure out why you should stay. Even if there are solutions, you might be afraid to work on them because you are afraid of what you will lose.
Most relationships have challenges and it is important that we control our thoughts and behaviors and put our fear behind us. The fears can be masked from your past and you have to work them out before you self-sabotage your own relationship. Learn who you are and give yourself a chance to fall in love.