My client Didi told me this the previous day. After saying, “I do not like being a mother,” she then said, “I feel really guilty since I never did.” Some asked me how it feels to be a mum. That’s when my son was a year-old. I wanted to answer that it doesn’t feel good but instead, I just said great. During that time, I was afraid that I was feeling the way I was feeling.
Didi is worried that she’s not done with motherhood yet. Everything about motherhood just makes her feel bad. Of course, she suffered from postpartum depression but that was eight years back.
“What I can figure out,” says Didi, is how this is expected to be enjoyable. It doesn’t make sense that you have to do everything for them and they don’t want to do those things. My son hits me and says he hate me since he has an oppositional defiant disorder. What am I therefore supposed to do, agree to it? My personality and his do not match at all. Arguing with him is tiring, I’d rather do something essential. What’s really happening to me? Am I a bad person? I am aware I’m a bad mother and most possibly the worst on earth.
I do not feel like hanging out with other moms who seem happy and move around together. They even take their kids to school together. Not that I don’t want to, but everything about their friendship is just confusing. I just don’t feel like one of them.
Maybe that’s the secret. You have to belong to a group for you to make it in motherhood. The fact that I feel lonelier being in a group of individuals who aren’t like me than I do being alone is what frustrates me.
I decided to stay at home. It’s what I wanted. I made that decision because my mother did, and I think this was the right thing to do for everyone. She helped me. I was a lawyer, I left my job to concentrate on them.
Something isn’t working
I hide everything I do, be it crying alone in the car, googling stupid stuff on the internet. Stalking people because I believe they have a better lifestyle than mine. Everything is just not okay. I feel like my children have destroyed me, I adore them so why do I feel so?
I feel guilty when informing you this. You need to fire me as your patient. I think working moms are stressed. Because doing something at home matters a lot. However, I am informed that women who work outside the home are less depressed.